A Series of Unfortunate Events
by koyoote
Summary: Kakashi's life has never been easy. At times entertaining, at times it's rather annoying. It all depends on the people that rotate in an out of his life. But for now, it simple appears to be "A Series Of Unfortunate Events".


The first time Hatake Kakashi saw his wayward student since the boy had abandoned the village, he was actually a _she_. That is to say, it was a very well detailed orioke no jutsu and since Sasuke didn't have to change much to be considered androgynous, the disguise looked almost overboard.

He did some quick math in his head and figured the girl-_boy_ for fifteen years old. It was curious to find the runaway ninja in the local tavern of a small unimportant village, but not entirely impossible. The Sound village had to have a way to make money too, and missions were part of the ninja village package. And while Sasuke was officially a missing operative, he was not actively pursued by hunter-nins. This being Team seven's formal request.

As it were, Kakashi was less inclined to attack said teenager than most. So he ordered a drink and sat at a table across from the bar. Sasuke sat in a corner. They could both enjoy their drinks and…

Or that plan could go straight to hell as he slowly stood and carried his drink over to Kakashi's table. _Well, fuck me. Who'd have thought?_ His old student was interested in tossing a few back with his old teacher.

How incredibly awkward.

"This seat taken?" It was like a warning. Possibly to whoever was supposedly going to join him. Because Sasuke was already sitting down before he'd finished the sentence. In the next instant, the silver haired ninja decided to leave out a response as his drink was delivered by a pretty bar maid. Kakashi nodded his thanks and gave the woman an obligatory once over as she walked away. He was always kind to waitresses, they enjoyed knowing they were good enough to look at, but were too easily annoyed if his stare lingered to long.

Kakashi had that timing down to an art form.

"Been in town long?" He really wasn't going to give up was he? Now Kakashi was no Naruto; he wasn't going to argue, beg, or threaten to get the Uchiha home. Sasuke was a unique individual, a good asset to the village, and held a soft corner of his heart, admittedly.

"If you're feeling reminiscent, go home." But he held no sympathy for the boy. This probably made him most unlike Sakura. Sasuke had been given every opportunity to understand the strength of bonds and their effects on others; he'd even progressed on becoming a normal human being, Kakashi knew. But Kakashi would hold no pity for the boy if he regretted his decision to leave Konoha.

"Hn," it was his very tone, even with the feminine lilt, "How do you know this isn't my home?" The Jounin held even less tenderness for the boy as he refused to break character.

Kakashi regretted admitting that this gave way to a nastier part of his temperament. "Funny. I don't see any snakes around here." The part that secretly hated and resented Sasuke for leaving; the part that made Naruto train furiously even when they crossed paths; the part that made Sakura cry on his shoulder.

"Hn. Me neither."

He nearly choked on his shochu when he felt a feminine foot caress his calf under the table. Gritting his teeth against the reaction, one eye narrowed in a calculating manner. He detached himself from the situation and studied the disguise. Her face looked rather disinterested, but was staring at him with enough intent to make Kakashi recognize it as Sasuke's expression for curiosity.

Now Kakashi held no delusions about a teenage boy and the possible repercussions of living with Orochimaru, of whom the rumors were rampant, but he honestly hadn't expected that.

Seeing that his old mentor had affectively put up his guard, Sasuke placed her face in her palm, still staring at him with inky brown eyes, " You should've seen your face."

"Hm," Kakashi paused. Perhaps that had been the goal all along. Judge how much his disguise worked, which was none really, not with Kakashi, and then to see whether or not he could rile him, "I'm sure it was quite amusing."

"Quite."

Sasuke kissed him.

Though Kakashi had been on guard, he figured there was little threat to Sasuke leaning up to him unless he'd taken on the serpent's tongue. Which was unlikely due to the boy's pride. However he now wondered about that since he had apparently copied orioke no jutsu. His belated realization to his student's intentions had only widened his eyes, one uncomfortably so behind his mask.

Sasuke reseated himself, adjusting the woman's slinky black dress. Once comfortable he stared back into Kakashi's narrowed eye. While Kakashi couldn't find himself disgusted with Sasuke or the whole affair since he wasn't homophobic or caring about age differences unless they were disturbingly distant, he found he _could_ manage a look of '_what the fuck_' even with just one quarter of his face.

Now he was sure his entire face would be something to behold. Likely this expression would never appear again, lest a similar _situation_ occur.

"Sasuke."

"Hn?" The boy quirked his female brow, finally displaying obvious interest.

"Care to explain your motives. Or should I guess?" Pouty lips frowned a little. Obviously that wasn't what he'd expected, or possibly wanted as a reaction from the older man.

"And if you should guess?" Kakashi grinned cruelly. He didn't have a different excuse everyday for no reason. His mind could work wonders with a single instant.

"I'd have to mention something about a disturbance of the mind, initiated by Itachi, encouraged by Orochimaru, and deftly manipulated by his _curiosity_ driven right hand, Kabuto-"

"Shut. Up." _Not funny_, the words seemed to imply as the boy contorted his currently feminine features into a disgusted scowl. Kakashi couldn't help the deep chuckle for a moment, but sobered as Sasuke looked away, positively embarrassed and red in the face.

He let the lull in conversation continue, drinking his alcohol through the mask carefully. The silver haired mentor had considered his student might have used the kiss to drop something in it, but he tasted nothing odd. Besides the usual bitter burn and same smell, there was no immediate affects from the tiny sip, and either Sasuke had become as experienced as Sakura with poisons or he still preferred to kill by his own hand.

The possible motivations for Sasuke's visit were beginning to get fewer in between. Leaning back, Kakashi hooked one arm on the back of his chair and got comfortable to study his old student. The boy seemed to be trying to both console himself and gather his composer. Perhaps his wording had been a bit too close to the truth by means other than sexual deviancy. Judging from Sasuke's attempt to chat him up, how he was uncharacteristically embarrassed rather than angry, and the disguise… Kakashi took a wild guess, pointedly while Sasuke was drinking from his own cup.

"You know, there are easier ways to lose your virginity," a predictable snort and choking sound occurred, "… than as a woman."

Now those black-brown eyes looked up, reddened around the corners from his gagging, with a feeling of righteous anger. But as his coughs settled, Sasuke only released the disguise in a small poof of smoke and leaned back in his chair with an absolutely adorable expression that Kakashi couldn't help but note was childish and confirming. He'd hit the nail on the head.

Poor boy looked so angry at him… His mask creased slightly in a grin as he tensed his torso to resist laughing. Of all things Sasuke could've shown up with: a mission to prove his allegiance by killing a person from his past, feelings of regret, or even just simple curiosity; Sasuke was trying to get laid.

Kakashi wasn't sure he wanted to go near that issue with a ten foot pole. The utter insanity of it though would prove to be amusing.

"I'm assuming the only reason you would try that as a female would be because you're gay." Definitely not a question. For his credit, Sasuke didn't blush, but did scowl across from him.

"Girls annoy me." One dark eye blinked slowly as if to say '_that's all?_'. Growling, Sasuke continued, "I've tried and can't find a single one I like. At all."

The Jounin could hardly believe the boy was talking to him about this. What happened to breaking all those bonds and such nonsense? He doubted the sex talk was something that was 'un-bonding'. Awkward for someone other than Kakashi, yes, but impersonal? Nope.

"So this makes you think you're gay?"

Sasuke gave an overly exasperated sigh for someone of his character, reminding Kakashi that that was an incredibly _normal_ teenage action, and tried again as if talking to Naruto, "The only thing I can find to admire about people is their strength. Their _power_." The open quiet afterwards seemed to imply he hadn't met a strong woman at all. Which was a pity. Kakashi knew plenty of strong women, most of whom were both frightening and surprisingly pretty when dolled up.

"So you thought you'd seduce your old teacher?"

The older male suddenly remembered why he'd always made conversation difficult for Sasuke. Getting a blush on that stoic face was incredibly amusing.

"You're powerful…" said weakly and not looking at him specifically. A compliment was typically, no doubt, like pulling teeth from this unique teenager. And flattered as Kakashi was, mildly disturbed taking a back seat in his older age, he couldn't resist getting another quip in… Just to see if he could confirm anything else.

"Flattering. But Naruto could definitely give me a run for my money now…"

Bingo.

Blush central. Sasuke tried to hide it by letting his long bangs shield his downturned face, but the color had already reached his ears. Kakashi absently thought a hair cut wouldn't go amiss and finally took pity on the teen, who he noted wore attire suitable for battle and probably didn't have any casual wear. The boy had turned out astonishingly similar to himself, except for the _minor_ discretion of being power hungry.

He finished his drink. "Well, I'd recommend a larger city where entire streets are dedicated to your particular tastes. Probably swordsmen dwellings would work as well," Sasuke looked up at him in disorientation, flush gone as he realized Kakashi was standing to leave. Charmingly, his raven hair didn't flinch when he raised a hand to ruffle it; just like old days, "I'll be sure to give Naruto your regards."

Okay, so he couldn't resist. As he made his way out the door, he noted the blush through the bar's back mirrors, and chuckled. He probably wouldn't say anything to Naruto, it would only leave him with half his hearing anyway, but now he was almost positive Sasuke's taste ran distinctly blond rather than male or female.

Kakashi wondered how long it would be till Sasuke noticed he'd left him with the bill…


End file.
